Hello all,
This inaugural post is about the people we all love: dentists. This last week, I had my semi-annual cleaning. No big deal right? I've been there a thousand times, and they all know me by name, even though I have no idea who they are. Going to be an awesome experience right? Not exactly.
Ok don't get me wrong, it wasn't as bad as the time I went in for a cleaning and came out with three fillings. And I didn't even get numbed right on the side with two fillings. This was not even close to being that bad. I just had a few.....let's call them realizations.
So I had brushed my teeth that morning before my run, and I didn't want to brush twice that morning, so I simply didn't eat anything after my run (I know, bad idea future personal trainer). Part of being me, I am always hungry. But thanks to the lovely fluoride, another part is having to have an empty stomach before dentist appointments, or the trash can will become my new friend. OK, remember this as it will become important later.
This awesome appointment started out with the routine medical questions (physically I am quite healthy, I am not so sure about the mental part though). Then it came up, "Hey, looks like you're due for a new picture." Gee, I am so glad that I took the time to look okay this morning. I was hoping for a cute boy in the lobby (which didn't happen), but this works too. So the lady decided to check the cover picture. Who's bright idea was it to put a picture that made me look like a stoned 13 year old on there? Really? It's not like the braces were bad enough!
OK, got a new picture, not so bad. I mean this one was way better that other attempt of crushing a person's self esteem. I am waiting for the hygienist to come in and low and behold, it turns out to be my totally awesome dentist (no sarcasm, I promise). She has this weird metal stick thing that she always uses to attempt to pry my teeth out of my skull; it tastes like evergreen (don't ask). So I was expecting this, but instead she shoves a air brush thing in my mouth and puts air on the one tooth that doesn't bother me. "Do you feel anything?" Uh, no. Try the other side, and see how fast my body reacts. Apparently it's a watch spot. I didn't notice anything before, but later that day when I had a big bowl of grapes, I noticed it. Thank you for that.
So the hygienist's first method of attack was the hand tools. I really want to know who makes those things, because they look like they belong to Dr. Jekyll. She comes at me with this rather large fishing hook and starts to attack my teeth, and at first it was no problem. At first. I will be the first to admit, I am not the world's best brusher. Even with the electronic toothbrush, I try to multitask when I brush and it just doesn't turn out well. Because of this, I get some build up along my bottom teeth in the front. When it gets to that point, what does she do? Jabs the hook in my gums, doesn't apologize, then cleans that tooth like she did nothing wrong. She then asks if I have any sensitivity there. Before I can figure out how to answer her when her hands are still in my mouth she goes on to say how I might be due to my bad brushing skills. The only sensitivity I felt lady was the hole my punched into my gum. Continuing on with these hand tools, she put the hook in between my teeth. Nothing wrong with that, right? Wrong! I seriously thought that she was going to pull my teeth out. Hmmm new method of torture. Let's use a hook and pull every tooth out of your head. We really should have all professions communicate better, we might get more things done that way. Finally that was done.
Her next method of attack, the tooth polisher. Now this part really wasn't that bad. The only problem I had was her gloves that tasted like windex all up in my mouth so that it lasted longer than the taste of fluoride. Really, people? You can make bacon flavored dental floss, but you can't make dental gloves that don't make you wonder what harsh chemical you're ingesting today? I mean, we ingest bad chemicals everyday, just ask the people who are regulars are McDonalds, but don't let us know that we're doing it and we'll just be fat, dumb and happy. That's all that matters anyways, right?
Okay so here comes the fluoride. They used to have this foamy trays that they would place in your mouth for hours on end, tell you not to swallow, put the thing that sucks your tongue out of your head in there and call it good. I cannot tell you how many times I gagged per tray. Now they have this handy rinse that you just put in your mouth, don't swallow and swish for a minute. The only problem is, most people actually do swallow when they swish things, it's just a fact of life. I learned it in an experiment with saltine crackers and iodine (another story for another day). So here I am swishing thinking: "Don't swallow, don't gag. Don't swallow, don't gag." I'm pretty sure I swallowed a couple of times. Hope I don't drop any IQ points. Here comes my favorite part: "Don't eat or drink anything for 30 minutes." Are you kidding me?!?! This lady had to have heard my stomach growling. There are two grocery stores and four fast food restaurants within a minute of this place and she expects me not to eat? That is almost as bad as when I got my wisdom teeth out...okay maybe not that bad.
Anyway this is my question. If we are attacked by hooks that pull our teeth out of our head, drills that are supposed to fix our holes, and swish something that if we swallow we'll lose IQ points, what part of that is making your teeth last longer? I'm just saying, aren't dentists supposed to help make our teeth better?
So the hygienist's first method of attack was the hand tools. I really want to know who makes those things, because they look like they belong to Dr. Jekyll. She comes at me with this rather large fishing hook and starts to attack my teeth, and at first it was no problem. At first. I will be the first to admit, I am not the world's best brusher. Even with the electronic toothbrush, I try to multitask when I brush and it just doesn't turn out well. Because of this, I get some build up along my bottom teeth in the front. When it gets to that point, what does she do? Jabs the hook in my gums, doesn't apologize, then cleans that tooth like she did nothing wrong. She then asks if I have any sensitivity there. Before I can figure out how to answer her when her hands are still in my mouth she goes on to say how I might be due to my bad brushing skills. The only sensitivity I felt lady was the hole my punched into my gum. Continuing on with these hand tools, she put the hook in between my teeth. Nothing wrong with that, right? Wrong! I seriously thought that she was going to pull my teeth out. Hmmm new method of torture. Let's use a hook and pull every tooth out of your head. We really should have all professions communicate better, we might get more things done that way. Finally that was done.
Her next method of attack, the tooth polisher. Now this part really wasn't that bad. The only problem I had was her gloves that tasted like windex all up in my mouth so that it lasted longer than the taste of fluoride. Really, people? You can make bacon flavored dental floss, but you can't make dental gloves that don't make you wonder what harsh chemical you're ingesting today? I mean, we ingest bad chemicals everyday, just ask the people who are regulars are McDonalds, but don't let us know that we're doing it and we'll just be fat, dumb and happy. That's all that matters anyways, right?
Okay so here comes the fluoride. They used to have this foamy trays that they would place in your mouth for hours on end, tell you not to swallow, put the thing that sucks your tongue out of your head in there and call it good. I cannot tell you how many times I gagged per tray. Now they have this handy rinse that you just put in your mouth, don't swallow and swish for a minute. The only problem is, most people actually do swallow when they swish things, it's just a fact of life. I learned it in an experiment with saltine crackers and iodine (another story for another day). So here I am swishing thinking: "Don't swallow, don't gag. Don't swallow, don't gag." I'm pretty sure I swallowed a couple of times. Hope I don't drop any IQ points. Here comes my favorite part: "Don't eat or drink anything for 30 minutes." Are you kidding me?!?! This lady had to have heard my stomach growling. There are two grocery stores and four fast food restaurants within a minute of this place and she expects me not to eat? That is almost as bad as when I got my wisdom teeth out...okay maybe not that bad.
Anyway this is my question. If we are attacked by hooks that pull our teeth out of our head, drills that are supposed to fix our holes, and swish something that if we swallow we'll lose IQ points, what part of that is making your teeth last longer? I'm just saying, aren't dentists supposed to help make our teeth better?
No comments:
Post a Comment